Friday, December 17, 2010
New York, New York!
“Concrete jungle where dreams are made of, there’s nothing you can’t do! Now you’re in NewYork, these streets will make you feel brand new, these lights will inspire you, let’s hear it for New York, New York , New York! No place in the world that can compare!”
I almost don’t know where to start this blog post because I just have so many thoughts going through my head about the past three months of my life. I’m currently sitting on an American Airlines aircraft in route to Austin, Texas for Christmas break! I’m about to spend 3 and half weeks with my family and friends in the Great State... pumped! However, I remember so vividly the flight in August in route to NYC and how incredibly difficult that day was for me. I remember feeling scared, insecure in wondering if I had made the right choice to pick up and move half way across the country to pursue seminary, but mostly I think I felt fear of the unknown. Within the first week of me being here I had determined that I’d move back to Texas by Christmas. I honestly didn't think i was cut out for NYC. I kept reminding myself that if I could just last 3 months I could go back to Texas where everyone and everything that I loved was. I think about those thoughts and almost laugh because today I’m kinda sad that I’m going to miss out on 3 weeks in the City, and also miss my crazy/awesome/hilarious/encouraging/fun roomie, Sara! (check out her blog for some good laughs)
You see, I wasn’t running away from Texas. I had no good reason to leave. I had a good job, great friends, and a church that challenged me each week. Everything was so normal, but the spirit continued to convict me that for this new season I was to leave. This morning as my plane took off from LaGuardia I had the sweetest view of NYC, and all its glory of high rise buildings, central park, and the like. I couldn’t help but smile because despite the sadness I felt upon moving here today I can say that I love this place. Despite its craziness, I truly do love my life here, the sights, the good eats, the people, etc. But mostly I love that God has taught me more in this semester than probably ever in my life. When I reflect on this semester I can only attest to God moving MOUNTAINS in my heart about my feelings toward the city and this new season. For the first few weeks I truly hated it here, and yes I know that hate is a strong word but I’m just trying to be honest here. I hated everything: the people, the noise, the subways. I missed everything about Texas: my friends/family, my car, my normal life! All I wanted were things to be normal in my life and I was so far away from anything that was remotely normal or comfortable for that matter. In those first few weeks I cried (buckets) of tears and questioned God over and over as to why he would let me move across the country to feel this way. I’d talk to my best friends on the phone and deeply miss them. I remember they’d offer me words of advice and encouragement but in those days I couldn’t see past my wants and desires for my life. I was so selfish and I just wanted to go back to what was comfortable. You see, I didn’t want to trust because all I could see was that this journey was going to be hard and stretching. (Thanks, God.)
But as the days passed and I got over my fears, and just trusted God, He began to steadily change my heart. He gave me a peace that surpassed any fear I could have. He gave me the confidence that I was in His will. And to this day He gives me the grace to get through each long, busy, crazy day here. Lets be honest, NYC is a fabulous city. It’s a city that is so rich in culture and has so much to do and see. I’ve been able to connect with so many Texas friends who are passing through the city for various reasons. Just last week I saw three different good friends from Texas! God always blesses me with little tastes of home :)To say that i’m thankful for this season would be a gross understatement. I’m thankful that living in the City has taught me to trust that Jesus is who He says He is. I’ve learned that wherever I am, He is with me each step of my day and for that, I’m truly grateful. I’ve learned more about his great love for me than every before. He loves this sinful, broken woman so so so much!
Lots of people ask me what I’m going to do after seminary, where I see myself, etc. Right now I have no idea how to answer that question. For this season I’ll be in New York, and there is no where else I’d rather be on this kind of adventure with Jesus right by my side. He has taken such good care of me, and provided in ways that I can’t even begin to explain. I have, and will always be a Texas girl, but I can’t help but wonder that God has big things in store for my time on the East Coast. To Him be the glory all of my days. Jesus, you’re enough for me every day. Every single day, you are enough.